great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We left the knife in your bed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
