yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
