headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
