I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
