if you like me you must not know who I am
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
