hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
