Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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