Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
