Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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