White coat. Heels.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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