I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize