you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize