The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
