Where are you?
In a non slutty way
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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