Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
