His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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