and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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