dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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