I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
