If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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