you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
