In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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