CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
