Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
