Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
