Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
