You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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