either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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