it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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