He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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