checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
