ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
