she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
