A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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