I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize