Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
