Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
