Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
