I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
