Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
