I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
