Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
