i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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