I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize