omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
