Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
