Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize