So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
