Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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