WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
