Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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