yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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