You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
