she woke up with a sticky ear
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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