i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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