I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
