Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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