her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
