hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
