420 ftw
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
