I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
