Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
