rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
