Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize