omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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