Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
