my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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