I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize