2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Randomize
