i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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