so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
