i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
