While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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