i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
