just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
