You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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