I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
