so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
