Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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