Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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