why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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