I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
