Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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