He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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