One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
