Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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