You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize