Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
