i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
