I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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