someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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