Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
