The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
