we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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