my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
