I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
