he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
