It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
