I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize