I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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