Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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