farters have to be the big spoon...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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