This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
