she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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